how do we feel about day dream fantasies? it makes me feel a little crazy. and then afterwards a little depressed. so why do i indulge? brett kahr wrote who’s been sleeping in your head? i have not yet read this book, but i do know that he writes that fantasies and daydreams reflect the unconscious needs. which i can get into it. 
usually i start a little fantasy in my head because i’m bored. or lonely. or tired and can’t fall asleep (which happens a lot). so i start getting creative. and mostly my little daydream fantasies involve another person, who is either faceless or untouchable. for example, this morning i start thinking about a friend. is that weird? and this friend is of the male sex. also weird? admittedly i’ve always sort of liked him. i think. you see this is where it gets confusing in my head. i know i like women. men…i’m mostly on the fence with. so when they do enter my mind it is usually for, to put it bluntly- the cock. and even weirder…. baby making. okay so here i am, it’s very early in the morning because i don’t sleep in, but unwilling to get out of bed so i just let my mind wander. i start thinking about what it would be like to sleep with said friend. these thoughts are not completely unwarranted. we did see each other out at a club over the weekend. we chatted (about women), we drank, we danced, we stimulated sex…. i know, weird. hard to explain. anyhoodles, not completely unwarranted. okay so i’m laying in bed and i have this whole thing practically scripted out. we are at his house, maybe we are both a bit intoxicated, perhaps i take a little shower. we are laughing and joking and oh there it is, we are going to fuck. doesn’t matter cause i’m moving away soon, if things are weird between us all we’ll have is facebook and the rest is history. until….! unexpectedly find out i am pregnant! and now the the story takes a different turn. will i move back here? will i tell my friend? will he want to see child? can i do it on my own? do paternal grandparents want to meet their only grandchild? do i free him of child support?
oh. my. god.
you see what happens? suddenly i become straight and i’m living in the suburbs. suddenly the life i narrowly escaped flashes before my eyes and then magically it all disappears and i am here, gay, single, in my bed, blogging. all is right in the world. damn you unconscious needs.
Barbarella is Bi 