just a monday night

12 Sep

my town shows a free lgbt film on the second monday of every month and tonight they featured the acclaimed Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement. a short and poignant documentary that really gets to the meat of marriage as a right. i was so profoundly touched by this film. there were only 12-15 people in the dark theater with me, but based on muffled noises and hurried searches for kleenex, it was clear that most of us were effected similarly by the love story that is Edie & Thea.

right now it is very important for me to see examples of healthy, lasting gay relationships. i was chatting with a friend the other day and she was quite astonished that i had such a bleak and mistrusting take on intimacy. particularly my stance that cheating is fairly common. said friend really challenged what she considers to be my largely erroneous and misguided stance. admittedly, it is based on my own experience, which is limited, but not terribly positive. i wonder about what sort of creature i am. a creature that was hurt in love and now bases most things on that one incredibly unhealthy and painful experience? hence, the need for me to see good examples. i was so touched by this story about two women who loved each other so much. and i’d like to believe, faithfully. such smart, gorgeous, fashionable women. thank you E and T, i really needed this. thank you for an example of love.

directed by the talented susan muska and greata olafsdottir, also partners.

So, my Pretty-Pretty, we meet again.

6 Sep

man i have been thinking about this blog for quite awhile. i had to take a (an?) hiatus i guess. sort of how like the french go on holiday for the last part of the summer? yeah like that. i just needed to collect my thoughts and get right again. shit was getting too personal! you know? i just had to back it up and get organized. so kittens, to keep you abreast basically this is what has been going on: barbie had to shut out the external stimuli and get real with the internal. so a funeral happened. that sucked. a flirtation blossomed and then squashed pretty quickly. a good thing. and some serious closure occurred. a great thing. to celebrate emotional progress i decided to chop chop my hair. a word about this. for some reason (well several) i stopped cutting my hair about 4 years ago. i wanted to grow it out and have long locks. well to be perfectly honest i was avoiding some internal homophobia. who knew hair could be so emotional? actually rose weitz knows a little something about this. she wrote an interesting book titled, Rapunzel’s Daughters: What Women’s Hair Tells Us About Women’s Lives. weitz was actually one of my professors in my undergrad years. i don’t think i fully appreciated her then, in my ultra conservative early 20s. i had this moment when i looked in the mirror after the cut was complete, where i saw myself again. like me. ME. this person that was missing. this woman who i didn’t even realize had been on, well a hiatus of her own, i suppose. as if growing out my hair was this protection. protection against being accused of being gay or too gay. stereotypical. when i chopped my hair this weekend i feel like i got rid of all this shit i had been holding onto for way too long. and i missed me. and i was so glad to see me again. it was so healing. so here i am world. barbie is back. word to the wise, get the fuck out of my way.

a couple of inspirational haircuts:


ginnifer goodwin (lookin good mama!)

michelle williams


14 Aug

sometimes when i look at searches people have entered to get to this blog there is this one سحاق

i googled it. apparently it means lesbian in arabic. according to the all knowing and all wise google search. so yeah, really i have no idea, but it always fascinates me when i see a language that is entirely unreadable to me. you know french, spanish, etc but different alphabets, woa! that’s intense.

i wonder what the face of an arabic lesbian looks like.


well that didn’t help much. maybe? just sayin.

you know, sometimes i think i have it hard. i guess i really don’t. i was raised in a pretty strict religion, but…. garments got nothin’ on burqas! in all of my research i just did, in the past 30 seconds, i did find this interesting place: Bekhsoos which is:

Bekhsoos is a queer Arab magazine published weekly by queer and trans folks at Meem. We cover topics related to (homo)sexuality in the Arab world.

Our objective is to fill the gap of lesbian- and transgender-produced writing in the Arab world through articles, reports, investigations, personal stories, opinion pieces, and creative writing. We believe in the incredible wealth of LBQ women’s and transgenders’ stories and experiences out there that have not yet been put forth enough online or in print.There is much mystery that surrounds the Arab queer identity. We’re here to peak our minds and tell our stories.We must write.

Yes! let’s all keep writing, shall we?!

Why would anybody want to invent a weapon?

24 Jul

there sure was a lot of sadness this weekend. i’m horrified by the tragedy in norway.

and my heart hurts for the family of amy winehouse.

this blog is a space for me to express some thoughts on sexuality, or more specifically my sexuality. i like to keep it fairly light usually and i realize that the whole world doesn’t revolve around sex or sexual orientation. but i also know that addiction and extremism are often the result of unresolved pain and misunderstanding. i’m not making any excuses for those who intentionally take the lives of others- to be clear. but i feel sad for the victims of the lives that were lost over the weekend. and i feel confused about those who were involved in taking those lives. it’s hard to think about because it’s hate. and hate is the catalyst for self destruction, murder, homophobia and all those other ugly things in the world. i suppose my blog is not just a place for me to write about sexuality, it’s also a place for me to think about the things that make me, me. i’m proud to say that love is very much a part of me.


18 Jul

well good job japan

but seriously what a bummer. i’ll miss watching these women play. they are amazing and strong and gorgeous and job well done to each and every one of them. but especially to abby wambach, a real pleasure to watch.and let’s just remember this epic moment against brazil last week

see you in four years!

Yes. And you are the girl who must do it.

14 Jul

sometimes i have dreams that i’m this tremendously fit athlete. i can run lots. i can fly. but i never have dreams that my head can smack balls with incredible accuracy. i bet Abby Wambach does though.

uh that was amazing.

let’s break it down:

hot women

passionate women

winning women

look at this cutie pic of Wamback and Hope Solo (god even her name is cool). they just look so happy.

this also reminded me of that epic moment in women’s soccer when Brandi Chastain celebrated Team USA’s 1999 win by taking off her shirt. thank you baby jesus.

yup, this was a good time Team USA. Well done ladies!!!

footnote**** this sunday game also inspired me to quit dreaming and start winning with…..


that’s right i joined a WAKA team cause i’m ready to kick some balls.

more footnote***** also please check out Dorothy Surrenders post on Team USA. She has wonderful pics of the ladies “hugging each other with their legs in sportsmanship.”

stone cold awesome

10 Jul

could this gal be any cooler? she recently did an interview with the advocate with fun quotes like this:

Instead of boy-crazy girly girls, you often play these strong, independent women with an edgy tomboy quality, which has certainly endeared you to lesbian fans.
Really? Oh, I’m so flattered. The tomboy quality is probably coincidental just due to the fact that my voice hits male octaves most of the time. I don’t really think about it — I just respond to what I read — but I must be subconsciously drawn to women who, even if they don’t necessarily have their shit together, are secure within themselves and don’t need a man to fix them.

amen sista.

oh and this:

Do you have a girl crush?
Christina Hendricks. It’s a no-brainer. Everything about her does it for me. That’s my kind of woman.

yeah. hendricks is good one.

and this one is an added bonus cause anna faris is involved, man i love her. so much.

i like what your doin in hollywood emma stone, keep it up lady!

independent music momma

4 Jul

i did something pretty “american” today. i decided to go visit my parents for the weekend which means roadtrip! i really do love to drive in the summer time. the landscape is so beautiful. fields and moutains and wandering horses. spontaneous summer rain storms and of course road trip music. on my way home i listened to bon iver’s new album over and over again. there is something magical about driving, it’s almost like meditating. the hours sort of slip away and you are left with only your thoughts. and let’s be honest, sometimes our thoughts are not the best company. but halocene- arguably the best song on the album, simply unraveled in my mind and allowed for a serene moment with myself. music as freeing and beautiful as anything else i’ve experienced.  all that in a four hour drive.

and yes, i know he’s not technically a music “momma” but i think he could hang just fine with the ladies!

use all of your incomparable talents to preserve the security of the stars.

29 Jun

my lovely sister lent me her copy of bossypants, or as i like to call it: tina fey’s magnum opus. i read it in the airport. and snort/laughed several times- to the chagrin of the man sitting next to me.

my sister has decided upon a new holy trinity. i am in full support of this and consider myself recently converted.

ellen degeneres, tina fey, amy poehler

i’m not sure where in the godhead each of these ladies would fall, but in keeping with catholic tradition we could just say they are all as one.

allow me to give a couple of highlights: in response to someone (a male) calling her a cunt:

“NO! You don’t get to call me that. My parents love me and I am not the child of alcoholics who take that shit.”

“[I have] straight Greek eyebrows. They start at the hairline at my temple and, left unchecked, will grow straight across my face and onto yours.”

“Why do I call it ‘yellow’ hair and not ‘blond’ hair? Because I’m pretty sure everyone calls my hair ‘brown’…Yellow hair does have magical powers. You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to [have sex] with it.”

i’m telling you ladies, this book is non-stop. borrow it, lend it, or spend lots of money and buy it because tina fey has done more for women in t.v. then any other. and i, for one, am glad her life took the path it did.

summertime, yo!

21 Jun

well i just love the summertime here. i grew up in the desert, where the summer is the most dreaded and painful time of year. they hold their pride in april because by the time june comes around all the gays have fled to cooler climates. but here, it is lovely and exciting and welcomed after a long winter. also there is a ton of stuff to do. par example: lgbt film festivals! this little city hosts damn these heels film festival. this year they brought a great documentary, which i’ve been dying to see for quite some time. it’s a story about twins, who are both lesbians, singer/performers and one of new zealand’s most heartfelt national treasures.

a lovely and incredibly relatable tale about two hilarious and politically relevant sisters. “we’re singers, that happen to be funny.”

and then, to add to an already great weekend- guess who came to town y’all?


(a moment of silence or ecstatic arm pumping is allowed at this point).

you guys remember how much i’m in love with her right? kay. cause i am. and even though it was a mini concert, it was still awesome. aside from that one point in the evening where the sidewalk reached up, grabbed me and caused me to fall flat on my face and almost break my knee- aside from that.to make things better:

happy first day of summer!