Archive | February, 2009

I woke up gay

26 Feb

41qb1zsjbql_sl160_aa115_Yesterday morning my friend asked me if I’d like to participate on an LGBT-Q panel at the local community college.  I hesitated. Now generally other people identify me as bi because I’m attracted to both sexes, however I’m not totally comfortable calling myself bi.  Now I’ve thought a lot about this.  I’ve read Lisa Diamond’s book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire (which is excellent and a powerhouse of research on sexuality) and it’s been the topic of my therapy for a couple of years, and yet still….still I hesitate.  This is why:  I’m a late bloomer or probably more accurate, severely repressed (thank you organzied religion).  My one and only sexual encounter was with a woman, a woman I dated for two lesbian years (translation: two lesbian years equals a decade of emotions,feelings and behaviors in straight people time)  Today I sit in the wake of my break up and I’m just wondering why am I still wrestling with all these labels and definitions?  I don’t know if that panel was beneficial for anyone in that class and based on their comments I’m sure it wasn’t, but for me I walked away with that question in mind- why does it matter? Why does it matter to me?  And now I shall indulge you with some of the questions the gay panel was subjected to by these young, brilliant minds.

Does watching gay porn as a child make you gay? Cause I think it does.

My uncle was gay and he talked normal around my dad, but when he was acting gay with gay people he talked with a lisp.  Why do gay people act that way? Why do they pretend to be gay? Oh and he died of AIDS.

I served a mission for my church and this guy I served with became gay after his mission and I’m wondering if living with all those guys for two years made him gay?

I think my friend is gay.  Should I provoke him to come out by telling him I know or that other people know?

sigh.  really?  what a bunch of assholes.