Archive | August, 2009

music mommas

31 Aug

before i moved to a bleeding red state, i lived in a large, sometimes progressive, always bankrupt state which is home to KCRW. (you can listen online, morning becomes eclectic is the show that i love to listen to when i’m looking for some new tunes to add to my collection). and this is where i also found mary gauthier.


i heard her sultry voice come across the airways with these wonderfully simple lyrics:
Fish swim
Birds fly
Daddies yell
Mamas cry
Old men
Sit and think
I drink

this woman didn’t even write a song until she was 35 years old.  i love that. she had a rough road and lives to sing about it.


momma loves a harmonica!


fridays are fucking fabulous

28 Aug

i have spent this entire week on the couch.  i literally come home from work and turn on the t.v.  i haven’t had t.v. in so long that i feel like some shell shocked foreigner who has never seen tivo. and let me just say a word about tivo: brilliant. if someone said to me, marry me i’ll get tivo for you then my immediate response would be, hell yes!  i pretty much had planned on spending the weekend prone, head cocked to the left, arm extended with remote in hand, on couch. but then i found out it’s supposed to be a hundred gazillion degrees and the whole city is on fire, so it’s hard to breath.  this is a problem because house sitting  job does not include air conditioning.

and now a word about air conditioning: i grew up in the sweltering desert/sprawling concrete suburban nightmare that is phoenix, az. since i spent my formative years in a constant heat stroke i now have very low tolerance for being hot.  i hate it. it’s gross and uncomfortable and a certain kind of rage burns inside of me and bubbles up at which point i turn into a crazy bitch. so here’s my brilliant idea- movie theater.  yes, yes i have to be with the public, which will inevitably drive me crazy, but it’s air conditioned and still completely brainless.

i like to see movies alone too.  i’m gonna see ponyo and one my very most favorite lesbians is in it- the lovely miss lily tomlin


eeny, meeny, miny, moe

26 Aug

now i am of the general opinion that everyone is gay.

this seems to bother straight people.

like assuming someone’s sexuality is really offensive.

but seriously, how am i supposed to know?  people don’t generally assume i like women.  in fact, when they find out it seems like it’s they are genuinely surprised. this from straighties.  and why? well because they assume most people are straight. do i get offended? nope. in fact, i would even say i derive some form of pleasure from it. like i get to say, “you don’t know my life!” and now-a-days you’ve got all the little hipsters running around looking, well… generally looking gay. i know, i know how stereotypical of me- oh the labels! and to prove that i am a thoughtful- well deeply thinking person, i have made some art.

this is called photoshop girlfriends:

gaish this is called: gay: you are doing it wrong.


music mommas

24 Aug


where are my little chickies?  i miss them.  remember this?


by the way- this is the Canadian movie poster, the U.S. one has the women draped in cloth.  huge stupid sigh.  i remember when i saw this movie how struck i was by the utter ignorance and blatant sexism that was expressed loudly about these women and specifically natalie’s comment about president bush.  just thinking about that time in my nation’s history makes me almost weepy.  my chest gets tight with the thought of fear based politics.  i really felt like the dixie chicks handled the whole situation with grace.  the documentary (if you haven’t seen it, you really must put it in your queue) was moving and demonstrated how sometimes we have to go through great personal turmoil and even pain to receive more knowledge and love in our lives.  here’s one to the dixie chicks, wherever you are.  you are missed. and thanks for not forgetting about gays rights when you were in the midst of your own personal fight for freedom.

fridays are fucking fabulous

21 Aug


not sure how i would survive this town without the occasional housesitting job.  this weekend will be spent, not at the pool, not at the beach, not in the fresh mountain air, but mostly on the freeway- driving.  there is a lot of driving involved in my life as a gypsy/vagrant.

my uncle is going to take a look at my car, which is really nice.  i haven’t seen him in awhile cause you know, i’m one of those people that doesn’t need to see my extended family all that much.  i’m not sure if it’s me or them, but once every year or two is plenty. so here’s the thing, while i was talking to him on the phone i couldn’t help but think, what do i say if he asks if i’m dating anyone? if he can set me up? (my uncle loves to set people up). why i’m not going to church? why the tattoos?  he may or may not ask me these things.  i’m getting to an age where my extended family, for the most part has either a) given up hope and stopped asking or b) is afraid to hear the real answer, so decide it best not to ask.

inside my head i will be having this dialogue: i’m gay. i’m gayish. i like women.

my mouth will be saying: nope not dating anyone.

and i will be questioning my integrity in a much deeper place that transcends my head and reaches every part of my body, which is a voice that says: is not saying anything denying? am i leaving my family outside of this whole side of me because i am afraid they can’t handle it? or don’t want to? am i trying to make decisions for other people? do i think i’m protecting people? am i trying to protect myself?

but then i will come back to the city and i will housesit and i will have some gal pals over on sunday and we shall drink wine and savor cheeses. and i will be grateful for an uncle that can help me out when i need it and i will also be grateful for friends that i can be myself around, completely and totally.


el diablo

19 Aug

diablo cody or brook busey or whatever, she is just a delight.  i read the interview she gave bust magazine this morning and became a little bit more pleased with her then i had been before.  and not that i’m the end all be all or whatever (well i kind of am on my blog), but i like the woman.  i like her because she just seems like a real person.  i know, i know what does that even mean?  essentially, i don’t know miss cody, but i have read her blog (which you can still find, google it) and i’ve followed her work a bit and she just seems like the person who’s not afraid to say, here i am. take it or leave it. and i respect that. this was one of my favorite things she said in the interview:

i watch porn all the time.  i look at pornography every day.

and how do you feel when you watch it? (which i thought was a really interesting question).

i feel like i’m in the drive-thru at Carl’s Jr. like i’m just fulfilling a need.  it’s not a sensual, pleasurable experience for me; it’s comfort food.

i have a feeling there may be a bit more to that answer, but i really appreciated that.  when i read those words i was sort of shocked for a minute because i really related to it’s comfort food.  god, who hasn’t felt that way? it started this whole dialogue with myself about porn and sex and comfort and needs and well i don’t have any concrete thoughts, but it’s so interesting to me that at 30 i still have no fucking idea why i do half the things i do. cause they feel good? auto pilot? habit? confusion?  while i’m pondering my inner most thoughts, here are some lovely photos for you to dwell on.




music mommas

17 Aug


oh my god i love that picture so much.

it deserves it’s own sentence.

i love it.

brandi, brandi, brandi.  to tell you the truth, i’m a late bloomer when it comes to brandi carlile.  i was only just introduced to her in may of this year and had the pleasure of hearing her play a couple of songs outside a local record store in my small city.  i have since become obsessed with her latest album, The Story.  it’s lovely and folksy and whimsical.  it has been my soundtrack for the whole summer.  care to listen?  here’s a snippet:

also she loves the environment and talked about her involvement with the GM commercial to paste magazine


and these lyrics from wasted kill me:

If you had eyes like golden crowns and diamonds in your fingertips you’d waste it

If shining wisdom passed your lips and traveled to the ears of god you’d waste it

And so I hate that your overrated most revered and celebrated cause you’re wasted

she’s a conscious citizen, she’s real cute, she plays the guitar- yup i’m a little bit in love with her.  can’t wait for her concert this fall. i will be gazing into her eyes imagining she is gazing back into mine.


fridays are fucking fabulous

14 Aug

welcome to fridays are fucking fabulous.

mostly they are fabulous because it is, of course the end of the work week.  during the week i sit at my desk and day dream about things i want to do and be and the weekends are those shorts day in which my dreams can actually be realized.  more often then naught i am just reading and lurking about in corners, but sometimes i actually get out.  i’ve been obsessing about picnics in the forest for the past little bit, being out in nature and all that.  one thinks about these things when one is shoved into a city of nearly 10,000,000 people.  my mind has wondered to places that only i and a few friends have tread.  now let it be stated that i’m not the type of girl that wants to camp out, pee in a dug out hole or get dirt caked ankles, but for an afternoon or a perhaps a night or two i can handle it.  here’s the thing about me, even though i may not love that type of thing i do possess the talent to pack a mean picnic, build a fire, set up a tent, hike, etc.  this is all thanks to my father, who was an eagle scout and took it very seriously.  it was important that his children understand nature, how to pack in and pack out and essentially if one needed to, how to survive.  my siblings all share some vivid memories of close to death encounters which we cautiously laugh at now, but only with much trepidation. Nearly drowning in a choppy river trapped underneath the weight of a canoe causes a bit of stress as a small child.  nevertheless, my father instilled in me, (i can’t speak for my siblings), a respect and reverence for the out of doors, but also a small amount of loathing.   this weekend i will actually be sitting by the pool, which is nothing to complain about, but i will be thinking of views such as these:



and who doesn’t love a lady in hiking boots?

and here’s a little shout out to REI, outdoor outfitters as they have very progressive benefits that include life partner health insurance and FMLA even when the nation doesn’t recognize it.  thanks REI.

music mommas

10 Aug

last summer, i think it was last summer- time is weird.  anyway i was sitting in the basement watching SWAROVSKI Cyrstals Rock on Bravo (my favorite gay station) and i’m enjoying the celebrity train wreck line up, when suddenly miss beth ditto comes out on stage. god that woman is amazing. she is my hero. she is my hero because she is unabashed about her ability and desire to rock out, sweat, dance, scream, swear and wear whatever she wants even if that means wearing very little. i love her.


and look how cute her drummer is!
Gossip_Couch1_300dpiher name is hannah billie, which is lovely- just another group shot:

Gossip_Curtain1_300dpiand who’s not afraid to be naked?love-beth-ditto-jpg

decrucify the angel kissing gays

8 Aug

450px-Salt_Lake_City_Temple_Moroniso i have a tendency to be slightly more pessimistic than optimistic, it is just my nature.  but when i heard about the two boys getting arrested for trespassing i was confused. was this a good thing or a bad thing?  i have to ask, as i always do, how are gays being portrayed in the media? is it in a positive or negative light?  is more exposure a good thing? i think so.  it made me angry to know that in my very own old neighborhood these two boys were arrested for showing a bit of affection.  it was disheartening to hear they were arrested.  it was comforting to hear charges were dismissed by the judge.  it was a bummer that i couldn’t find a lot of press coverage on it, but what i did find came mostly out of utah. at least utahns are talking about it, or writing small articles about it. you can read about it here and here and here. i have to remember that incremental change is powerful change, it just takes a lot of time. it was only last month that the Matthew Shepard Act was enacted due to tireless efforts on the parts of his mother, many other volunteers and gay rights activists and his murder took place more then 10 years ago. so yes, the act was passed, this is good. and yet gays are getting arrested on temple square premises, this is not good. more and more states are allowing partnerships and partner benefits, this is good, but then there is prop 8, not good. so we just keep on working and talking and….kissing.