fridays are fucking fabulous

21 Aug

housesitting.

not sure how i would survive this town without the occasional housesitting job.  this weekend will be spent, not at the pool, not at the beach, not in the fresh mountain air, but mostly on the freeway- driving.  there is a lot of driving involved in my life as a gypsy/vagrant.

my uncle is going to take a look at my car, which is really nice.  i haven’t seen him in awhile cause you know, i’m one of those people that doesn’t need to see my extended family all that much.  i’m not sure if it’s me or them, but once every year or two is plenty. so here’s the thing, while i was talking to him on the phone i couldn’t help but think, what do i say if he asks if i’m dating anyone? if he can set me up? (my uncle loves to set people up). why i’m not going to church? why the tattoos?  he may or may not ask me these things.  i’m getting to an age where my extended family, for the most part has either a) given up hope and stopped asking or b) is afraid to hear the real answer, so decide it best not to ask.

inside my head i will be having this dialogue: i’m gay. i’m gayish. i like women.

my mouth will be saying: nope not dating anyone.

and i will be questioning my integrity in a much deeper place that transcends my head and reaches every part of my body, which is a voice that says: is not saying anything denying? am i leaving my family outside of this whole side of me because i am afraid they can’t handle it? or don’t want to? am i trying to make decisions for other people? do i think i’m protecting people? am i trying to protect myself?

but then i will come back to the city and i will housesit and i will have some gal pals over on sunday and we shall drink wine and savor cheeses. and i will be grateful for an uncle that can help me out when i need it and i will also be grateful for friends that i can be myself around, completely and totally.

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