you get out!

21 Oct

being outed. it happens. it always kind of sucks. now allow me to be clear, i don’t hide the fact that i date women, love women. however, i usually don’t offer the information to people such as co-workers, grandmas, strangers or the occasional man i find attractive. now if someone asked me i would not deny it. which is what happened with a co-worker on saturday night.  okay he’s more then a co-worker, he’s a friend, but we rarely see each other or hang out- when we do though, it’s a lot of fun. and the question came after someone said, uh…she’s a lesbian.  then i saw his face. poor guy. he was shocked. to say the least. and then these words, “are you coming out to me right now?” well i wouldn’t call it coming out exactly. this followed by “are you gay?” uh…well i do like the ladies. blank stare. “i have no words.” okay. see ya.

this was awkward. it was not painful, but it certainly was weird. which brings me to the varying emotions one might feel when outed, namely one emotion in particular.  whenever outed i feel annoyed. partly i feel annoyed because i sort of think i shouldn’t be having a reaction, because it’s not that big of a deal. being gayish. no big thing. partly i feel annoyed because it feels like someone is infringing on my business. partly i feel annoyed because maybe i wanted to tell that person differently, don’t ruin my shining gay time! partly i feel annoyed because i don’t know what the fuck to think about myself most of the time and whenever i hear someone definitively saying, “she’s a lesbian.” there is something inside of me that gets irked. if i say it, it’s okay. oh all the parts of being outed.  to sum it up: it sucks and leaves one feeling a bit…exposed.



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