The Mathmos has created this bubble to protect itself from your innocence

28 Oct

i met up with a friend over the weekend. haven’t seen him for a long time. real long time. we sort of went our separate ways for awhile. partly because he had to move on and partly because i couldn’t deal with him anymore. alas, i can’t seem to keep myself away.  i’m drawn to him in a way that i don’t experience with most people. there is a deep connection or bond there which i can’t seem to shake. perhaps it’s because i’ve seen him on the brink of death. perhaps it’s because he was one of my only friends around when i was in my darkest time. the thing is, and as much as i hate to admit this- but i must, he thinks i’m great. he sees the person that i really am and i love him for that. i love him for loving me. but i can’t give that back to him.

i can’t. and he’s never asked. so instead i must be very careful because the heart is a precious thing and i hate that on some level, because of my naivete, selfishness and ambiguity i have hurt him. and i know what it’s like to be strung along for something as sickening as indifference and that really fucking hurts.

so here’s to new beginnings. renewed friendships and learning how to love.

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