just fucking friday

16 Apr

i have really been into break up music lately. perhaps it was last weekend’s inspiration. but to be honest i have a whole lot of music that revolves around dissolving relationships.  i have a theory about this. i really think that when we go through something huge like heartbreak or a death (and sometimes they feel the same) we tap into something, almost like a passion that is stronger than love even. we learn about ourselves, we learn about the other person, the world suddenly unravels itself to us a little more. and if you happen to be a musician i think this is the best time to write some music. and other people respond to that fervency whether it’s rage or infatuation.  lately i’ve been listening to frightened rabbit’s the midnight organ fight album and um….it’s brilliant. i’m obsessed with their song my backward’s walk. oh. my. god. “I’m working hard on walking out. Shoes keep sticking to the ground. My clothes won’t let me close the door. These trousers seem to love your floor. You’re the shit and i’m knee deep in it.”

but it’s their song keep yourself warm that i really wanted to talk about.

Oh, you won’t find love in a,
Won’t find love in a hole.
It takes more than fucking someone to keep yourself warm.
I’m drunk, I’m drunk
And you’re probably on pills
If we’ve both got the same diseases
It’s irrelevant girl
And the room fills with steam
Oh, evaporates disappears
My point of entry is the same way
That I leave

so yeah, you won’t find love in a hole. i like the bluntness of that line. but it got me thinking about sex and love. so love and sex can be two separate entities. or they can be the same. sex is like this primal sort of need. is love? i mean i feel like everyone wants to be loved, but does everyone need to have love? am i lacking or suffering as a person if i don’t have a person in my life that loves me and to whom i reciprocate that love? and where does sex fit in? i sort of believe sex is better when you are in love with the person, but then again i don’t have much to go on. and i might be brainwashed.  i can honestly say i’ve never just fucked someone just because, probably out of fear more than anything else, not because i believe it’s wrong or amoral. i just don’t even think i would know how to do that. and sometimes i wish i would. you know, be a little reckless, wake up the next morning full of regret. alas, i never did those things that most normal people did in late adolescence and maybe that’s okay too. well it has to be. so fucking and sex and love, shame, regret and holes are all just the way it is.

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