death by marriage

13 May

my besty is getting married.

we have been friends since junior high. i remember those days. it was such a typically yucky time in my life. my family had just moved and i felt lost. we had been renting a large home that even with four kids we couldn’t fill up.  and then times were hard, my dad’s job changed and we had to move.  it was just up the street, but it was a different kind of place. the home was actually an old radio station, converted into a a tiny little house. my great great aunt had lived in it. pink bricked and located on the busiest street in our small town. i was ashamed. it was termite infested and located next to a grocery store. the semi trucks would reverse into their spots during the late night, shaking my window and me out of my slumber. the walls in my bedroom were covered in this weird almost branch like wall paper. it was scratchy and brown and felt dirty. it was a cold house.

then i met my besty. she was a skinny little thing that wanted to be my friend. she lived in the neighborhood and was a year younger then me. i started walking to the bus stop with her. in the beginning it was probably more out of necessity then desire to have her as a friend. but she was persistent.

when my family moved again she stayed in contact. wrote me letters, called and came to visit every summer. she turned into a beautiful woman. stunning actually. and kind. quiet, but fiercely smart. when i decided it was time to come out she was one of the first people i told. i was so scared. we went to mcdonald’s. naturally. and i told her. she was perfect. absolutely perfect.

she has been so much a part of my life in a way that few friends have been. she has gone on family vacations to lake powell with us. helped with my sister’s wedding. been my roommate. we’ve played cards for hours. we reinvented the art of making quiche. pedicures. tears. boyfriends. girlfriends. she will even watch disney movies featuring “the rock” with me. i tell you there are not many like her. she has been through it all with me. and i am so scared that will change. but i suppose it must change. i want her to be happy.

i guess a part of me always wanted that house with a white picket fence to be shared with her.

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