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mr. kinsey what do women want?

25 Mar

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Move over Kinsey, Ms. Meredith Chivers is here to answer that question.  The New York Times printed an article called, What Do Women Want? and it is a must read.  Dr. Chivers has been conducting sex research with both males and females of all sexual orientations and has some fascinating results.  Essentially she has found that what men say they are attracted to usually matches up with how they respond sexually or genitally.  (They are actually hooked up to a device that measures the erection of the penis).  But women!  oh women!  Women were also hooked up to a device that measured swelling in the vagina and also lubrication.  Women, who identified as straight or gay showed, on the whole, genital arousal when the images projected men with men, women with women and women with men!  Straight women in particular it was noted often did not match up with what they said was turning them on and what their genitals were actually indicating was turning them on! oh how i love this.  Now the article goes on to explore some pertinent and fascinating theories as to why this might be occurring for women, including some primitive biological reasons.  The article quotes Lisa Diamond and Marta Meana who are experts in the research of women’s sexuality and female desire.  All three women conclude that sexuality for women is far more complex then we really know and at this point, scientifically we are still really in the beginning stages of figuring it out.

So what do I want? I can’t answer for all women, but what this women wants is respect, love, and less judgment about who I want to be with and why.

I woke up gay

26 Feb

41qb1zsjbql_sl160_aa115_Yesterday morning my friend asked me if I’d like to participate on an LGBT-Q panel at the local community college.  I hesitated. Now generally other people identify me as bi because I’m attracted to both sexes, however I’m not totally comfortable calling myself bi.  Now I’ve thought a lot about this.  I’ve read Lisa Diamond’s book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire (which is excellent and a powerhouse of research on sexuality) and it’s been the topic of my therapy for a couple of years, and yet still….still I hesitate.  This is why:  I’m a late bloomer or probably more accurate, severely repressed (thank you organzied religion).  My one and only sexual encounter was with a woman, a woman I dated for two lesbian years (translation: two lesbian years equals a decade of emotions,feelings and behaviors in straight people time)  Today I sit in the wake of my break up and I’m just wondering why am I still wrestling with all these labels and definitions?  I don’t know if that panel was beneficial for anyone in that class and based on their comments I’m sure it wasn’t, but for me I walked away with that question in mind- why does it matter? Why does it matter to me?  And now I shall indulge you with some of the questions the gay panel was subjected to by these young, brilliant minds.

Does watching gay porn as a child make you gay? Cause I think it does.

My uncle was gay and he talked normal around my dad, but when he was acting gay with gay people he talked with a lisp.  Why do gay people act that way? Why do they pretend to be gay? Oh and he died of AIDS.

I served a mission for my church and this guy I served with became gay after his mission and I’m wondering if living with all those guys for two years made him gay?

I think my friend is gay.  Should I provoke him to come out by telling him I know or that other people know?

sigh.  really?  what a bunch of assholes.