because it’s halloween!!!!
so my plans consist of drinking some beer, putting on too much makeup and possibly, maybe braving the crowds in west hollywood. not sure i’m up for the crowd though. what i really want to do is go see jennifer’s body. i don’t care what you think, i’m all about it and i like to support the ladies, aka diablo.
i’m excited for a little teenage angst, quirky one liners and good old bisexuality.
little more intimate
that amanda seyfried is lovely!
um…okay more than lovely:
i met up with a friend over the weekend. haven’t seen him for a long time. real long time. we sort of went our separate ways for awhile. partly because he had to move on and partly because i couldn’t deal with him anymore. alas, i can’t seem to keep myself away. i’m drawn to him in a way that i don’t experience with most people. there is a deep connection or bond there which i can’t seem to shake. perhaps it’s because i’ve seen him on the brink of death. perhaps it’s because he was one of my only friends around when i was in my darkest time. the thing is, and as much as i hate to admit this- but i must, he thinks i’m great. he sees the person that i really am and i love him for that. i love him for loving me. but i can’t give that back to him.
i can’t. and he’s never asked. so instead i must be very careful because the heart is a precious thing and i hate that on some level, because of my naivete, selfishness and ambiguity i have hurt him. and i know what it’s like to be strung along for something as sickening as indifference and that really fucking hurts.
so here’s to new beginnings. renewed friendships and learning how to love.
a few years ago, someone gave me some tickets to go to a concert to a band i had never heard of. so i went.
it was tegan and sara.
i had no idea what i was getting into. i just remember standing there thinking, wow look at them!
they revived this old fantasy of mine to be a rocker. they played and sang with so much confidence. these two little sprites. they encapsulated so much strength and talent and i just thought to myself, how do they do it? needless to say, i was smitten.
for me, of a slightly older generation then the twins, it’s always magical to see women pursuing their dreams, being passionate, being good and talented without any excuses. they were just up on that stage doing what they do, singing and playing with all their might and without their tits hanging out or long, blonde extensions. just real girls. like me.
their music would become a sort of anthem for me for like a year. that was a year of a lot of changes and it felt good to put on a couple of their albums and sing at the top of my lungs (in my car).
nineteen was, well still is, one of my favorite songs of theirs and so for your listening pleasure…..
also new album, sainthood is available on i-tunes.
because they are made for catching up, chores and such but this is really just a hot lady friday blog.
laundry with anne hathaway:
doing some cooking perhaps with mary louise parker (finally caught up on weeds!)
probably continue to obsessively listen to marie antoinette soundtrack with emily blunt:
and lots of couch lounging with kate winslet:
being outed. it happens. it always kind of sucks. now allow me to be clear, i don’t hide the fact that i date women, love women. however, i usually don’t offer the information to people such as co-workers, grandmas, strangers or the occasional man i find attractive. now if someone asked me i would not deny it. which is what happened with a co-worker on saturday night. okay he’s more then a co-worker, he’s a friend, but we rarely see each other or hang out- when we do though, it’s a lot of fun. and the question came after someone said, uh…she’s a lesbian. then i saw his face. poor guy. he was shocked. to say the least. and then these words, “are you coming out to me right now?” well i wouldn’t call it coming out exactly. this followed by “are you gay?” uh…well i do like the ladies. blank stare. “i have no words.” okay. see ya.
this was awkward. it was not painful, but it certainly was weird. which brings me to the varying emotions one might feel when outed, namely one emotion in particular. whenever outed i feel annoyed. partly i feel annoyed because i sort of think i shouldn’t be having a reaction, because it’s not that big of a deal. being gayish. no big thing. partly i feel annoyed because it feels like someone is infringing on my business. partly i feel annoyed because maybe i wanted to tell that person differently, don’t ruin my shining gay time! partly i feel annoyed because i don’t know what the fuck to think about myself most of the time and whenever i hear someone definitively saying, “she’s a lesbian.” there is something inside of me that gets irked. if i say it, it’s okay. oh all the parts of being outed. to sum it up: it sucks and leaves one feeling a bit…exposed.
i have rediscovered and cannot stop listening to the marie antoinette soundtrack. it is brilliant and dripping with sweetness. in fact, the music complimented the movie in such a way, that it…well for me, actually made the movie. so thank you sofia coppola, but also a big thanks to brian reitzell, the music director on the film.
you can get a wee taste of the music brilliance from this trailor
did you know that the real Marie Antoinette’s marriage was not consummated for 7 years? in fact there were rumors that she was getting “fulfilled” by other lovers including her good friend Princess Lamballe, newly appointed Mistress of the Wardrobe, and later Madame Polignac, governess to her children, among some men as well. now we will probably never know if this is true, but it’s a nice thought anyhow. and i love kirsten dunst, this period piece reminded me when she was just a little sprite in interview with a vampire.
i know it wasn’t that long ago when music mommas featured the lovely brandi carlile, but a second post is in order because my fabulous weekend includes seeing brandi at the wiltern on saturday night. and these rainy, los angeles days remind me that she is from the very rainy seattle. rain is just so romantic. and i swoon for this lady
she’s going to be on pancake mountain this saturday. if you have kids and are in the los angeles area tickets are apparently still available. you should go. also she just came out with a new album, give up the ghost. a video review from paste magazine can be found here.
and thanks brandi for bringin’ back the bandana!
so i was watching an old lifetime screener with my mom cause i thought it would be something she might like, it was called maneater. i know. i see the eye rolling right now. and i would love to say it’s not something i would normally watch, but let’s be honest, i really do watch lifetime and i was happy to curl up and watch this with my mom. imagine my surprise when guess who popped on screen?!
here are some snippets of hailey from the show. she looks real pretty and even though she plays a straighty she still is able to help out by lighting the stove pilot, working at a women’s shelter and cleaning her own bathroom. she’s a keeper that one.
miss you alice!
alright i know, enough with my crush on obama, but it keeps getting better. but just to spice it up a bit here’s a fun pic:
thanks cynthia.
here are some of my favorite things that President Obama said in his speech on saturday night.
“For while some may wish to define you solely by your sexual orientation or gender identity alone, you know — and I know — that none of us wants to be defined by just one part of what makes us whole.”
“You’re spouses who fear that you or the person you love will lose a job. You’re workers worried about the rising cost of health insurance. You’re soldiers. You are neighbors. You are friends. And, most importantly, you are Americans who care deeply about this country and its future.”
“And it’s a testament to Matthew [Shepard] and to others who’ve been the victims of attacks not just meant to break bones, but to break spirits — not meant just to inflict harm, but to instill fear. Together, we will have moved closer to that day when no one has to be afraid to be gay in America. When no one has to fear walking down the street holding the hand of the person they love.”
“And that’s why it’s so important that you continue to speak out, that you continue to set an example, that you continue to pressure leaders — including me — and to make the case all across America.”
i just wanted to say a little something about fear. that’s really what this post is about. President Obama talked about being “afraid to be gay” in context to Matthew Shepard implying that being gay in America can be and has been dangerous even deadly. this is atrocious. but thankfully this is not the kind of fear i have had to deal with. something that was sort of unspoken in this speech is the fear of self. internal homophobia. wanting to make others comfortable. i’ve been in situations where i had no fear about holding the hand of the person i’m with, but the person i was with sure did. not because we were in a dangerous place or even just trying to make a statement, but because of this internal fear. masked by the question of, what will people think? when really, the question is, what will i think? i’m actually not okay with this so how can i expect other people to be? and this, this is the fear i’ve dealt with and it is stifling and damaging to all of our relationships.
if you want to read the President’s full speech, it was transcribed in this l.a. times article titled, what obama tells impatient gays gathered in d.c. nice l.a. times, real nice. fuck you and your patience.
and a shout out to a music momma: lady gaga thanks for the tunes and support!
because my president won the nobel peace prize.
i know everyone is saying he doesn’t deserve it yet. liberals and conservatives alike. but i think what he has done already has been impressive. is it nobel peace worthy? i don’t really know, but i ask why not? i heard someone say that he is the beacon of peace and hope by merely being himself: a black man as the leader of one of the most powerful countries in the world. i also cannot help but think about the speech he gave to Cairo University in june. it was both profound and beautiful full of messages of peace, understanding, middle ground, civil rights, women’s rights, and diplomacy. i know i have a huge crush on obama, i know. but seriously, as i’m sitting in traffic this morning listening to his remarks about how humbled and surprised he feels to be a recipient of the award, i was choked with emotion and something called pride. proud of my president, proud of my country.
good friday.
Barbarella is Bi 